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Scholar, Writer, Mother, Dreamer. Editor of Luminarium, an online library for English Literature of the Middle Ages and Renaissance.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Oscar Fashions: Best and Worst of the Red Carpet

There were some GOHHH-geous gowns on the red carpet last night, but am I alone in thinking that this years number and caliber of star-turns was somewhat less than usual? I'm not mentioning the men—sorry men—I want to talk gowns.

Rachel Weisz

RACHEL WEISZ was wearing a rum pink Vera Wang satin gown with vintage jewels from the house of Cartier. Her hair, her makeup, her poise were flawless. When presenting an award, she was every inch old Hollywood glamour, a lady and a star.

Cate Blanchett


CATE BLANCHETT in Giorgio Armani Privé - a silver one-shoulder Swarovski crystal mesh gown with tulle overlay and jet black paillette floral motif. Jewelry from Lorraine Schwartz. Her whole look was pulled together, glamorous, elegant; when she came to announce an award, she glittered, looking more statuesque than Oscar himself.

Honorable Mention:
Penelope Cruz


PENELOPE CRUZ in a blush Atelier Versace gown of silk chiffon, organza and tulle. Jewels by Chopard. A risky gown, with its flluffiness, but Cruz with her ballerina frame carried it beautifully. I found her hair a bit severe for her face and for the dress.

Also of note:

Keisha Whitaker

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Cameron Diaz

Helen Mirren
Reese Witherspoon
Jodie Foster

Worst-in-Show - TIE

Kelly Preston

Meryl Streep

Kelly Preston should read up: one of the questions on the menopause checklist is "Do you suddenly find animal prints appealing?" Not only is this dress hopelessly tacky, it is also extremely unflattering for her belly bulge. Meryl Streep, on the other hand, shows up looking like an aging hippie, wearing a beltbuckle around her neck, and the most horrific ballet toe-shoes gone wrong. And she was up for "Devil Wears Prada" - the irony here is, that this horrible get up is, believe it or not, Prada. Her stylist should be raked over hot coals, and her poor publicist must be pulling out her hair today. Consider both of these get-ups to be on the "DON'T" list for Oscars, or any other occasion.

Runner-up for Worst:
J-LO, aka Jennifer Lopez


JENNIFER LOPEZ, a woman with a great body and notoriously poor taste, came in what could only be described as a mumu that made her look like the Michelin Man, with her grandmother's chandelier sewn to the neckline. G'AWFUL. "Gown" by Marchesa.

Dishonorable Mention:
Nicole Kidman


NICOLE KIDMAN, on the other hand, showed up as Miss Christmas Present. Her BFF, fellow Aussie Naomi Watts, came in a dress that was entirely not her color, with sleeves that made her arms look deformed. You tell me, doesn't the picture on the right look like Mrs. Santa came to the Oscars with a melting elf?

The Also-Stank:

Eva Green

Gwyneth Paltrow

Jennifer Hudson

Anne Hathaway
Kirsten Dunst
Isla Fisher

EVA GREEN decided to come as the undead, wrapped in a mummy shroud, with ghoul makeup. Great career move, if you're auditioning for Ed Wood, otherwise.... GWYNETH PALTROW came as a sad depression-era mermaid.... JENNIFER HUDSON got the dress right, but then decided to wear a 1950s SCI-FI movie capelet that cried, "Beam me up!".... ANNE HATHAWAY wore her great-aunt Hilda's lace bedspread with funeral bow hotglued to the front... KIRSTEN DUNST had an unfortunate accident on the way to the Oscars, involving an exploding ostrich... and ISLA FISHER gets the "Oh my God, my boobs are sooo gonna fall out of my dress" award.

All in all, a weak Oscar Red Carpet year, in my opinion. Shape up, chicks!

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Blogger SzélsőFa said...

What a funny commentary note on all these celebrities :)

And where's your new hair color, btw.?

February 28, 2007 6:59 AM  
Blogger Mophia said...

none of these compare with a certain actress ~.^

February 28, 2007 12:14 PM  
Blogger Mark A. said...

Did Kelly Preston kill a cheetah? Maybe Xenu made her wear that dress.

Those big shoulder thingys make Jennifer Hudson look like Warpath from the 90's ear New Mutants. Right? Hello? Am I the only comic nerd here?

February 28, 2007 4:31 PM  
Blogger Anniina said...

Mark, ROFL! Beware the wrath of Xenu :P I would love to hear from a comic nerd, since I'm not familiar with Warpath.

Mophster, heh, you flirt you!

SF, new haircolor is REALLY red - I feel like I should join a rock band. But I like it. Still haven't found digicamera, but picture will be forthcoming, I promise.

March 02, 2007 1:11 AM  

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