Oscar Watch Continues: A Tale of Two Shitties

The Black Dahlia, Director Brian DePalma's movie of James Ellroy's book of fiction, in turn based on the real murder of a Hollywood starlet-wannabe, is nominated only in the "Cinematography" category. That is nearly all the film has going for it. I love Film Noir, even the recent ones like L. A. Confidential (1997) and The Usual Suspects (1995), but this film is not anywhere near their caliber.

The art direction is fabulous—the places, sets, and costumes are absolutely flawless—I fervently believe that it should have been nominated for costume design several times over Marie Antoinette, but that discussion will follow shortly. Of the actors, Aaron Eckhart and Fiona Shaw alone give bearable performances. Josh Hartnett is wooden, and Scarlett Johanssen, who ever only has 3 facial expressions (slack, upset, fake-smiley) somehow manages to be even more cartoony than usual.

Direction and editing is where the biggest problems lie. I don't want to fault Bill Pankow for the editing, because he showed how brilliantly he can edit with Assault on Precinct 13 (2005), so the root of the problem, and the failure of the film, must be laid at the feet of DePalma, who must have railroaded how the editing had to be. In duration the film is only about 2 hrs, but half-way through, you would swear on all you hold dear that you had been watching it for 5 hrs already. It is torturously slow and boring. I would take a root canal and 2 wisdom tooth extractions over ever having to see this film again. It is not worth watching. Period. D+

Then, we get to Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette, nominated for "Costume Design." Considering, that the costumes are purporting to be authentic period reproductions, the fact that the wigs are egregious and the hem of Marie Antoinette's first dress is A) lopsided B) too short, I don't know what the nominators were thinking.

The actors are miscast outrageously, except for the ever-magnificent Judy Davis, and she must have been cringing to have been part of that film when she saw the end result. Kirsten Dunst, whom I generally like... oh, poor girl, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? If I were her, I'd fire my agent YESTERDAY. She is awful in this film, and it's not all her fault.  Jason Schwartzman's presence and performance in this movie, or indeed that this guy has a career in Hollywood at all, is a total mystery to me. I do not have words in my vocabulary (and that's saying something, folks) to describe that absolute awfulness that is his performance.

Apart from the gorgeous sets, I think this movie ought to be BURNED. It is among the worst pieces of cinematic manure and wastes of LIFE, I have been forced to endure in years. Must be nice to have Francis Ford Coppola as your dad, and one accidental cinematic success, to be able to get the budget for anything you want to do, whether you truly deserve it or not. F.